I am not sure what is going with me lately. Well, ok, maybe I do know what is going on. I might be going through a third-life crisis. Or maybe I’m just on the other end of a refining period and feeling “shiny.” Maybe I’m feeling the excitement and newness of entering a new season in my life: autumn.
Maybe I’m just over-analyzing things and need to go to bed (it is 12:30am as I type).
But ignoring this last thought, let me explain. . .
Third-Life Crisis
As of the 27th of April, I turned the ripe old age of 32 ½. I can’t really say I feel young, and I can’t really say I feel old. I can say, however, that I have been allowed to have my body back without fear that I will be gaining the 50 pounds needed to support and sustain a tiny little life. I am well on my way to pre-kids weight. And feeling awesome.
I’ve lost 20 pounds so far, nearing 25 total. My ego has been thoroughly enjoying the compliments and I have been thoroughly enjoying having some curves again. Despite late night blogging and Facebooking, I have had an abundant amount of energy and stamina to keep up with the kiddos plus run 11+ miles a week. My core is stronger, making my back less sore, making my posture better and my confidence higher.
And with that confidence comes some of my old tastes and sense of fashion. I’m bored with my hair color, and want to celebrate summer by streaking it different colors. . .I look at the Hubbie’s motorcycle with longing and plan to start using it as my main mode of transportation when traveling alone. I want some of my old ear piercings back (just ears, I've never had anything else). . .I bought my first pair of real shorts in a long time. . .And since I am getting closer to my target weight, I’ve been thinking of a second tattoo (which was a reward I set a long time ago if I ever got skinny enough, but didn’t have any expectations of it actually happening.)
But I’m not sure that all those things come from personal tastes, or just me trying to be younger again. I have shared before that I felt like I lost my 20’s somewhere in the shuffle of having babies. Well, now I’m caught between feeling old (especially when I look at my never-to-be-flat-again belly and the appearance of cellulite and becoming enemies with gravity) and feeling young (“30 is the new 20").
I remember the feeling of being different in appearance, and totally getting away with it. I liked expressing the fun side of my personality for all to see. I liked being set apart, even admired.
When you are busy being pregnant and nursing and dealing with toddlers, these fun feelings aren’t really there. It is true that in the Bay Area, I was a little different. Freak of nature would probably be a better description, based on the reactions to “No, I’m not the babysitter.” “Yes, they are all my kids.” “Oh, we home-school.”
I was definitely set apart. But, somehow, it wasn’t the same.
So am I just chasing youthful fancies and focusing too much on the external and not so much on the internal?
Am I, indeed, going through a third-life crisis?
I don’t know. I’ll let you know after the first hair-dying experiment. . .
*Note: The next two blog entries will be on my recent refining and on being in the Autumn of my life.
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