I had a truly blessed morning today. I woke up early, ran 4 miles while having adult conversation with a new friend, took a quiet uninterrupted shower and put my makeup on without someone tampering with my brushes. I was left alone to my musings, my daydreams. And God spoke to me in my meditations:
No more.
As in, no more self help. I'm done with the self.
I have a love/hate relationship with my self. Seeing that as unhealthy, I'm breaking up with my self.
And yes, I see the irony in writing a blog about myself breaking up with my self.
But hey, I'm not perfect. *shrugs
Anyway, back to me.
Here's a little background: In my profession as a mother, I've found that I've become jaded. Just as law enforcement officers get jaded with life because they only deal with dirtbags 50-60 hours a week, I think mothers get jaded with life because each day is like the other.
Kids don't think, "Today is mom's birthday, so I'm not going to pitch a screaming fit in the car and kick her seat the whole 20 minutes to her party." Mother's Day is just a plain old day because the car broke down and cleared the bank account. Dishes and laundry and grocery shopping could all care less about your 104 degree fever.
The hours are endless, the rewards are few. There are no pay raises or bonuses. Not to mention the view that professional motherhood is undesirable, unsexy, and boring.
It becomes very easy to start becoming bitter. The danger in this profession is isolation. Put bitterness together with isolation and you get one walloping pity-party. It's as if we are going to write a formal complaint to HR with a complete list of rights violated. And as icing on the cake, add in the demeaning and false thoughts we already have in our self-talk.
This is the point I'm at in my career. My head is constantly bombarded with lies about my worth, lies about my parenting, lies about my body, lies about my marriage, lies about my faith, lies about my image. My inner perfectionist cannot stand the fact that I am not perfect. I struggle with the imperfections of my children and I grieve that my marriage is not storybook.
All of this makes me itch to turn in my two week's notice. Except that I can't. And I am only half way to retirement.
*Deep breath
This passed year has been a struggle and a blessing. I have had to disregard all of the above feelings (and I am not exaggerating the all part) and live purely on truth. Never have I before experienced the miraculous change in heart that comes from obeying God's Word and hanging on to His promises.
But by the end of the year, I noticed that I had compiled my own list of "truths", gathered from various resources. All the mentors' voices, words from relationship books, parenting tactics, reminders to feel God's remarkable love for humankind, walk the talk, etc. etc. etc.
One giant checklist of things I need to do to improve my life, feel more satisfied in my job, attain the happiness I feel I deserve.
The only problem is, I will never be able to finish the checklist. Because this endless list of "How to be a Good Mother, Wife and Christian Woman" is self-inspired. Not God-inspired.
So in conjunction with changing my diet to sustain my physical body during my real-life marathon training, I will be changing my diet to sustain my spiritual marathon training.
No more self-help books of any kind. Because living a life that is loving and serving and obeying sets the self aside.
It is those three things: loving, serving, obeying, that gives one a fulfilling and satisfying life that is full of joy and hope. Not the improvement of self. The self only serves its self.
And, you know, I don't really like my self. Well, I love my self and take care of my self. But because I know every detail of what goes on in my head, I find my self very loathsome. I relate to Paul when he says that he is the worst of sinners. I am the worst of sinners. And no self-help book is going to change that.
Yet, I am saved. Redeemed. Well-loved. God's Beloved. Taken just as I am to be a beacon of light in a dark world.
I am forgiven. I am free from the bondage of my sins. I am cleansed from within, and made beautiful when the Holy Spirit glows from my heart.
In His Word He regards me as cherished. My life verse says, "He gathers the lambs in His arms and keeps them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."
He knows all about motherhood and its joys and trials.
No more checklists for me.
Instead. . .
2012. Delving deep into God's Word and getting to know Him in a whole new way.
Because life isn't about the self. It's about God.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Monday, July 18, 2011
Potty Training...Blog Day #33
Potty training. We've all gone through it. And, hopefully, succeeded. It's a rite of passage, signaling the end of babyhood and the start of childhood. Although there might be some hiccups, we all join the rest of the underwear-wearing population. It's a beautiful thing, really.
Okay, maybe not.
The truth is, and what most books won't tell you, is that potty training is called training for a reason. It starts with an introduction class, and then implementation, and finally, mastering. The duration of each stage is different for every person, er, baby. But it is hard work on the part of the parent, especially if you start early.
If there's anything you should remember during the couple of years it takes to reach mastery, it is the word, "nonchalant." Potty training cannot be a big deal unless you are celebrating success. You need to learn to have your game face on, even if their behavior during the rest of the day is terrible.
You can lead a toddler to the potty, but you can't make him pee. Or poop. Like eating, using the facilities is totally under their control. Do not engage in a battle with a toddler. Just remember, they will get it eventually and will use the toilet by the time they go to kindergarten. As annoying as accidents are, and as many undies get put in the trash because of poop, do not become emotionally involved.
So psych yourself up for a long ride. Your baby (and you) are about to start potty boot camp!
Pre-introduction
Okay, so I didn't mention this earlier when I labeled the three stages of potty training. But this pre-potty training period can be crucial, especially to a kid who hates change. It is also helpful for a strong-willed child to prepare ahead of time for the intense event. You can use a simple verbal encouragement while changing diapers, "Soon you won't wear diapers. Soon you are going to wear undies and go pee on the potty." Word it the way you'd like, of course.
If you've got an older child (3 or over) and you are waiting until they initiate, then "Maybe soon you will want to use the potty so you can wear fun undies." Again, word it the way you'd like.
A visual helps as well. I personally love the Bjorn potties and seats, but you can shop around at Babies R Us or Target. Pick one that is convenient for you, and one you like. It's going to be your steady companion for a few months. Have baby sit on it before bath, or when you are on the toilet, or before bed. Any chance you get. . .it's a great segway.
Along with a potty you'll need your bribes, er, rewards. In our house, we call these rewards, "potty candy". I have used candy corn, M&M's, Skittles, chocolate pieces and lollipops. But so far, my favorite has been the chewy gumdrops (not gum) from Trader Joe's. Expect a lot of candy eating for a couple of days.
A yummy juice is helpful as well. And if your child has #2 problems, I heard apricot or papaya juice will soften the load a little, if you know what I mean.
Introduction
Okay, so it really only takes one day to introduce a child to the potty. So here, in bullet form, is how you do it:
Okay, maybe not.
The truth is, and what most books won't tell you, is that potty training is called training for a reason. It starts with an introduction class, and then implementation, and finally, mastering. The duration of each stage is different for every person, er, baby. But it is hard work on the part of the parent, especially if you start early.
If there's anything you should remember during the couple of years it takes to reach mastery, it is the word, "nonchalant." Potty training cannot be a big deal unless you are celebrating success. You need to learn to have your game face on, even if their behavior during the rest of the day is terrible.
You can lead a toddler to the potty, but you can't make him pee. Or poop. Like eating, using the facilities is totally under their control. Do not engage in a battle with a toddler. Just remember, they will get it eventually and will use the toilet by the time they go to kindergarten. As annoying as accidents are, and as many undies get put in the trash because of poop, do not become emotionally involved.
So psych yourself up for a long ride. Your baby (and you) are about to start potty boot camp!
Pre-introduction
Okay, so I didn't mention this earlier when I labeled the three stages of potty training. But this pre-potty training period can be crucial, especially to a kid who hates change. It is also helpful for a strong-willed child to prepare ahead of time for the intense event. You can use a simple verbal encouragement while changing diapers, "Soon you won't wear diapers. Soon you are going to wear undies and go pee on the potty." Word it the way you'd like, of course.
If you've got an older child (3 or over) and you are waiting until they initiate, then "Maybe soon you will want to use the potty so you can wear fun undies." Again, word it the way you'd like.
A visual helps as well. I personally love the Bjorn potties and seats, but you can shop around at Babies R Us or Target. Pick one that is convenient for you, and one you like. It's going to be your steady companion for a few months. Have baby sit on it before bath, or when you are on the toilet, or before bed. Any chance you get. . .it's a great segway.
Along with a potty you'll need your bribes, er, rewards. In our house, we call these rewards, "potty candy". I have used candy corn, M&M's, Skittles, chocolate pieces and lollipops. But so far, my favorite has been the chewy gumdrops (not gum) from Trader Joe's. Expect a lot of candy eating for a couple of days.
A yummy juice is helpful as well. And if your child has #2 problems, I heard apricot or papaya juice will soften the load a little, if you know what I mean.
Introduction
Okay, so it really only takes one day to introduce a child to the potty. So here, in bullet form, is how you do it:
- Ditch the diapers. Under no circumstances do you go back. It's undies/panties/pull-ups from now on. The only time I have ever reverted to diapers was when my 5 year old peed at the store and all I had was a diaper in the car. She wasn't very happy with me that day.
- The first goal is the sitting part. So get your bribes ready (preferable something chewy, like Trader Joe's chewy gumdrops) and get them to sit for a bit. I've been known to cheat and have Henry sitting there for 2 Dora episodes. But 5-10 minutes should suffice. You'll have to gauge it based on how much yummy juice he's drinking.
- Don't forget, nonchalant except during success. We like "Happy pee/poop on the potty to you" sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday". Accidents will happen. Think of it as a lifestyle change. You're in an adjustment period. Keep your poker face on, and practice saying, "whoops, maybe next time you'll pee in the potty."
- Have a timer going to help you keep track. I start with 20 minutes from the time they get up.
- The potty chair is now your friend. You will take it everywhere. It will be used before you get out of the car, and when you get back to the car. It will be taken to Grandma's house. It will be in your kitchen while you are fixing meals. It will go with you to the pool, older siblings' sports practices, doctor appointments, camping. . .you get the idea
- I teach my boys to pee sitting down. So get used to saying, "Make sure your penis is pointing down." When they have control over holding it, then Daddy steps in and they have potty parties. Gross, I know. But male bonding often is. Oh, and speaking of those boy parts, yes they will play with it. I try to discourage it without making a big deal, only because I find it irritating to be sitting there next to the potty waiting and he's just playing around.
- If you find you are pooping out (haha), take a break and use those trust pull-ups. The first day is often the hardest. Just remember that the goal is the introduction.
- Repeat the first day until there is more independence. You'll notice that they will start resisting the sitting down. Be flexible. After a few days, you'll be able to tell when they have to go because they actually sit for a minute. When they start holding it and using the potty when told (not asked) then you've successfully potty trained. Woohoo!
- Hopefully during the process, you'll graduate from candies/treats to high fives and the privilege of flushing the toilet.
- What to do when you need to go places? Putting undies on them is risky, but one worth taking. If in doubt, use a pull-up. Bring your trusty potty/toilet seat. It's a pain, but get used to it. You'll have potty issues until they are 6. Not to be a Debbie-downer, just keepin' it real.
- This stage varies in length, depending on the child and what life is like for the family. Just stay persistent, and non-emotional. Expect accidents, prepare to improvise, and work with kid. No problem, right?
- You'll notice that as soon as the concept clicks, life becomes so much easier. Well, maybe not. New things will arise: too busy to potty, one painful poop to cause months worth of problems, refusal to wear any kind of undies, older boys who pee in their pants without knowing because they're playing video games, little boys who pee randomly in other people's yards because that's what they do in yours, little girls who just don't care about running around in pee, etc. . .
- The mastery is complete when you can finally send them to the bathroom at Costco and they actually lock the stall, use the toilet, unlock the stall, wash their hands with soap, and not touch anything. All independently. Then, it's on to other parenting issues.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
It pays to Be a Mom...
Ok, so it doesn't really pay. Not in the monetary way, anyway.
But I'm writing this impromptu blog post after a slight involuntary hiatus because I just want a moment to connect in a real cyber way with other frustrated, tired, over-worked and under-appreciated co-workers.
Because ours is a tough profession.
Last Wednesday, I woke up with three children in my bed. I must tell you, I think the bed is crowded already with just my husband. And the night consisted of taking Zoe back to bed twice and passing out on the floor next to Henry when he was screaming. When I felt the chill from the open window of the boys' room, I got up and went back to bed. Henry was screaming again around 6:30, this time next to my pillow. So I pulled him in bed with me, only to realize that I could only scoot over so far because there were not one, but two little girls there. Three hours of sleep. Lovely.
I fell asleep during my Beth Moore bible study. That's a pretty big feat, if you know Beth Moore. It was all I could do not to lean over onto my friend's shoulder.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
But I'm writing this impromptu blog post after a slight involuntary hiatus because I just want a moment to connect in a real cyber way with other frustrated, tired, over-worked and under-appreciated co-workers.
Because ours is a tough profession.
Last Wednesday, I woke up with three children in my bed. I must tell you, I think the bed is crowded already with just my husband. And the night consisted of taking Zoe back to bed twice and passing out on the floor next to Henry when he was screaming. When I felt the chill from the open window of the boys' room, I got up and went back to bed. Henry was screaming again around 6:30, this time next to my pillow. So I pulled him in bed with me, only to realize that I could only scoot over so far because there were not one, but two little girls there. Three hours of sleep. Lovely.
I fell asleep during my Beth Moore bible study. That's a pretty big feat, if you know Beth Moore. It was all I could do not to lean over onto my friend's shoulder.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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