Considering myself a good parent is a struggle. I feel like I have all kinds of opinions, books, advice, etc thrown at me. I am constantly being pulled in all directions with the expectation that I can take care of it all. And when I do lose it and show my human side I get funny looks in the grocery store, family members with hurt feelings, and a guilty conscience. Well, this being the start of a new year let's start off right by wiping our slate clean of all guilty feelings. So repeat after me:
--I will not feel guilty if the baby spits up on my shirt and I don't change.
--I will not feel guilty if I only take showers two to three times a week.
--I will not feel guilty if I never take my children to the grocery store. And when the marshmallows run out and hubby is working crazy overtime, I will not feel guilty about yelling at them while I am shopping and they are squishing the bags of bread.
--I will not feel guilty for having children. They are blessings, not diseases.
--I will not feel guilty for putting my marriage first, for that is the essential tool to good parenting.
--I will not feel guilty for the noise level, the toy clutter, the handprints on the tv, the little pieces of paper on the carpet, and the use of the dryer as a dresser.
--I will not feel guilty at not being able to do everything that everyone demands of me. Which means I will not feel guilty if I lock the door when I take a shower and I will not feel guilty if I don't share my In'N'Out with the family.
--I will not feel guilty at being slightly overweight while my children are very small. I have the rest of my life to get back to pre-pregnancy weight.
--I will not feel guilty at teaching my older children to help out. "Family first" is an important attitude to have that needs to be made a priority.
--I will not feel guilty for making my children a priority. They might always remember that we had to eat small, boring meals at home. But they will also remember that I was the one who made it for them with love.
Happy parenting, and remember that you have the hardest but most important job in the whole world!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Parenting 101
So I started this blog during my pregnancy for no particular reason except to write down my thoughts. But my thoughts were either depressing or made no sense at all. I blame pregnancy brain. Now, 5 months after the birth of Henry, my brain has started clearing up, life has been returning to normalcy, and I've acquired a new Twitter addiction.
All that to say that I am going to put my Twitter addiction to good use. Instead of just following up on celebrities that I'll never meet in real life, I decided to start tweeting helpful and useful parenting tweets in combo with this blogsite. From now on I'll be available to discuss any and all topics on parenting. And as a mother of 5 I'll be here to let other moms know that they are not alone in the daily grind of raising the world's youth. So let's get this party started!
All that to say that I am going to put my Twitter addiction to good use. Instead of just following up on celebrities that I'll never meet in real life, I decided to start tweeting helpful and useful parenting tweets in combo with this blogsite. From now on I'll be available to discuss any and all topics on parenting. And as a mother of 5 I'll be here to let other moms know that they are not alone in the daily grind of raising the world's youth. So let's get this party started!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
30 weeks down, 10 more to go. . .
When I'm under extreme pressure, or circumstances seem to be harder than usual, I tend to withdraw emotionally so as to be able to deal with my thoughts and with the outside world without breaking down. The end of my pregnancies and the few weeks after the baby is born seems to be some of the most strenuous times of my adult life. Pregnancy seems to amplify some of the emotions that I have trained myself to control, and the hormonal changes and stress on my body make it hard for me to hear and pray and understand what God is doing in my life. My control is constantly being challenged, and I wonder at how I've become so tightly wound that even in worship I'm unable to truly be vulnerable and open to be moved by the Spirit. Why this constant facade of self-control, the enormous walls that I've built? Would it be so bad to lose control just once to be relieved of such pressure and expectation?
I don't really have an answer, nor do I need an answer really. I can't seem to trust my emotions lately, seeing as the physical aspect is tainting my ability to think clearly. But I have discovered a couple of fears that have been affecting the way I've handled the days. . .Gary Smalley would be proud, I think. . .
--I've discovered my annoyance with the fact that I may be able to protect my children now, but they will grow and they will experience life as it happens to them. In this season of my life, I am busy and overwhelmed by having to protect and provide for them a physically, emotionally, and spiritually safe environment and pray everyday that my flaws will not ruin them forever. They are young, and under the protection and influence of my wings. But one day, their life will start unfolding according to what the Lord has for them. How do I pray for them? And then watch them suffer and toil and hurt. What if they do not cling to the Lord of all comfort and strength? How do I keep the enemy from attacking them in their weakest points? I know I don't, I let them mature and learn and trust in Him. It seems so hard to prepare myself to let go. I am tempted to pray that they will just have the simplest, though painful, of heartbreaks and that no one will seek to hurt them. But I know that it's not up to me. They are flawed also, and will make mistakes that will set the course of their life, according to His purposes.
And I guess that if their lives are "happy" and problem-free, then perhaps they are not living out their faith in a way that is demonstrated in the Word. If they never experience hurt or pain, they may not be loving anyone. They would never experience the triumph of fighting for something that's right, the victory of surviving oppression, or the miracles of God's unending Grace and forgiveness.
Lord, take away my fears for my children, and I pray that they will experience You in the fullest, in all circumstances, with thanksgiving.
--The second fear is that I've been feeling unsettled in my heart. I feel like I have this fire burning that wants to be let out. It mostly comes when I hear of others' travels, especially missionaries'. I read of the stories at International Justice Mission and of the women and children who have been rescued. I read stories of triumph in a dark, prison cell. I hear and see videos of children with new hope, with fresh water for the first time. I hear stories of miraculous healings, villages being saved, enemies becoming brothers, Christ being preached for the first time. I want to be a physical part of that, for my children to be a part of that NOW. But it simply is not my place at this particular season of life. God has made it clear that He was not calling me, not just yet. If I were to push the issue, I would be calling myself to the field, and when one calls herself to God's battle field instead of the other way around, it always ends in disaster. In my heightened emotional state, it is so hard not to feel discontent in my life and to be patient for the future. God's timing is perfect, there will always be the poor and oppressed in this world. For now, I have new lives and young minds to mold and disciple.
Lord, I pray that I will do my part in your kingdom, as small as I sometimes think it is. I pray that I will not look on in my own perspective, but in Yours. . .
I don't really have an answer, nor do I need an answer really. I can't seem to trust my emotions lately, seeing as the physical aspect is tainting my ability to think clearly. But I have discovered a couple of fears that have been affecting the way I've handled the days. . .Gary Smalley would be proud, I think. . .
--I've discovered my annoyance with the fact that I may be able to protect my children now, but they will grow and they will experience life as it happens to them. In this season of my life, I am busy and overwhelmed by having to protect and provide for them a physically, emotionally, and spiritually safe environment and pray everyday that my flaws will not ruin them forever. They are young, and under the protection and influence of my wings. But one day, their life will start unfolding according to what the Lord has for them. How do I pray for them? And then watch them suffer and toil and hurt. What if they do not cling to the Lord of all comfort and strength? How do I keep the enemy from attacking them in their weakest points? I know I don't, I let them mature and learn and trust in Him. It seems so hard to prepare myself to let go. I am tempted to pray that they will just have the simplest, though painful, of heartbreaks and that no one will seek to hurt them. But I know that it's not up to me. They are flawed also, and will make mistakes that will set the course of their life, according to His purposes.
And I guess that if their lives are "happy" and problem-free, then perhaps they are not living out their faith in a way that is demonstrated in the Word. If they never experience hurt or pain, they may not be loving anyone. They would never experience the triumph of fighting for something that's right, the victory of surviving oppression, or the miracles of God's unending Grace and forgiveness.
Lord, take away my fears for my children, and I pray that they will experience You in the fullest, in all circumstances, with thanksgiving.
--The second fear is that I've been feeling unsettled in my heart. I feel like I have this fire burning that wants to be let out. It mostly comes when I hear of others' travels, especially missionaries'. I read of the stories at International Justice Mission and of the women and children who have been rescued. I read stories of triumph in a dark, prison cell. I hear and see videos of children with new hope, with fresh water for the first time. I hear stories of miraculous healings, villages being saved, enemies becoming brothers, Christ being preached for the first time. I want to be a physical part of that, for my children to be a part of that NOW. But it simply is not my place at this particular season of life. God has made it clear that He was not calling me, not just yet. If I were to push the issue, I would be calling myself to the field, and when one calls herself to God's battle field instead of the other way around, it always ends in disaster. In my heightened emotional state, it is so hard not to feel discontent in my life and to be patient for the future. God's timing is perfect, there will always be the poor and oppressed in this world. For now, I have new lives and young minds to mold and disciple.
Lord, I pray that I will do my part in your kingdom, as small as I sometimes think it is. I pray that I will not look on in my own perspective, but in Yours. . .
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